By Cary Carbonaro
One of the most consistent messages I share with other advisors is this: When working with female clients, lead with empathy and education. Most advisors nod in agreement. But the real question is what does that actually look like in practice?
For decades, our industry has rewarded advisors with a high IQ, or intelligence quotient. Credentials, models, performance charts, and technical precision have been the gold standard. And to be clear, technical excellence absolutely matters. It's table stakes. But if IQ alone were enough, women wouldn't still feel unheard, underserved, or overwhelmed when it comes to their financial lives.
What I've learned through more than 25 years as a financial advisor and what I explore in my book, Women and Wealth: A Playbook to Empower Clients and Unlock Their Fortune, is that EQ, or emotional intelligence, is more important than IQ in many cases. EQ is no longer a "nice to have." It is the differentiator driving real, measurable results, especially when serving women.
There are countless books and studies that make the case for why EQ matters more than IQ in leadership and business. But for advisors, the challenge isn't understanding that EQ is important. It's knowing how to operationalize it in the client experience.
Advisors often say to me, "I get it. Women want empathy and education." My response is always the same: "Show me how that shows up in the room." Here's what I recommend:
Real empathy. Empathy isn't about softening your edge or lowering your standards. It's about being deliberate in how you engage.
In practice, empathy means slowing the meeting down instead of rushing to solutions. It means recognizing that many women arrive at financial conversations carrying invisible weight, such as caregiving responsibilities, career interruptions, longevity concerns, and decades of cultural messaging that told them to be grateful participants rather than confident decision makers.
Empathy shows up when an advisor asks questions such as, "What's keeping you up at night about money?" Or, "What life transition are you navigating right now?" Or, "Where do you feel confident, and where do you feel unsure?"
Then actually pause and listen. Don't interrupt, correct, or immediately jump to the spreadsheet.
Women don't want to be talked at. They want to be understood. Trust is built when a client feels emotionally safe enough to share uncertainty without judgment.
Here's an example: A high-achieving woman doctor, executive, and founder says quietly: "I feel stupid about money."
The IQ move would be to correct her misconceptions immediately. The EQ move goes a step further by communicating: "You aren't stupid. You were never taught this. That is part of my role as your advisor; to educate and to answer your questions so you feel confident."
EQ removes shame so learning can start. Some of the smartest women in the world still apologize for not knowing what they were never invited to learn.
Education and confidence. Education is often misunderstood in our industry. It isn't a data dump. It isn't complex content. And it's certainly not industry jargon that only we as financial professionals understand. True education is translation. It meets clients where they are and gives them language they can confidently use outside your office.
Education means explaining why a strategy exists, not just what it is, using plain language instead of industry shorthand, and connecting financial decisions to life outcomes, not just returns. When women understand the "why," they engage. When they engage, they stay. When they stay, relationships deepen and businesses grow.
Education also means that when a female client or prospect asks for more detail on an investment or strategy, don't say, "Trust me, this is the right strategy based on our conversation and your finances." Instead, say, "Let me teach you how this works, and you tell me what feels right." Trust grows when she feels ownership in the process.
Change the dynamic. High-EQ advisors don't position themselves as the hero of the story. They position the client as the decision maker. That shift is critical.
Women don't want to be managed, they want to be empowered. They want permission to ask questions and they want collaboration. EQ-driven relationships create space for curiosity, confidence, and ownership. And leading with EQ translates into hard results.
It leads to higher client retention, particularly during life transitions like divorce, widowhood, or a career change. It also produces more referrals, because if you have done your job, women are more likely to tell a friend about their experience, especially about how you made them feel.
By developing your EQ, you will form deeper relationships with clients that extend across generations. This isn't just about your value as an advisor. It's a growth strategy.
Women are controlling more wealth than ever before, and the Great Wealth Transfer will only accelerate that shift. The firms that thrive in the next decade won't be defined solely by how smart they are. They'll be defined by how well they listen, how clearly they explain, and how deeply they understand that money is never just about money.
Cary Carbonaro is managing wealth advisor and women & wealth ambassador at Ashton Thomas, leading a multimillion-dollar practice serving women. With more than 25 years of experience in the industry, she is the author of Women and Wealth and a six-time Investopedia Top 100 advisor and was named DEI Trailblazer of the Year by InvestmentNews in 2025. She is a Nasdaq Advisor Council member and a longtime CFP Board Ambassador.
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March 23, 2026 15:48 ET (19:48 GMT)
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