MW 'She is very angry with me': My daughter, 30, has issues with drugs. Should I take half the profit from the sale of her house?
By Quentin Fottrell
'My thought is to invest it on her behalf for someday, when she gets her life together'
"I would never, in a million years, keep her money." (Photo subject is a model.)
Dear Quentin,
My 30-year-old daughter is struggling with substance abuse and all the issues that often come with it: DUIs, volatile relationships, jail time, lost jobs and no savings.
She owns a home and wants to sell it. I am on the deed and the mortgage because she could not qualify on her own when we purchased it together eight years ago. Given this arrangement, I have a legal right to 50% of the profit from the sale. The expected profit is $100,000.
Should I exercise my legal right and keep $50,000? My thought is to invest it on her behalf so that someday, when she gets her life together, she will have some money. I have no doubt she would go through $50,000 in less than a year.
She is angry with me for suggesting that I keep half of the profit. In fact, she is often angry with me, and this has only intensified the situation. What would you do: insist on keeping the $50,000 and investing it for her future, or let her have it all?
I contributed a small amount to the down payment, which I considered a gift. I have also helped with her mortgage payments a few times over the past eight years - maybe six times total. I have never lived in the house.
For much of that time, she was a functioning substance abuser. Things have gotten worse. I would never, in a million years, keep her money. If I decide to keep the $50,000, it will be invested for her forever until someday when she will not use it to buy drugs or alcohol. ?
And if she doesn't get there before I die, the money and all its earnings will be in the will waiting for her. What should I do?
The Mother
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
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If your daughter is currently in active addiction, I don't think it's a good idea to sell the house in the first place.
Dear Mother,
Why is she selling this house?
Your daughter needs stability in her life, so I am curious as to why she is selling her/your house and, assuming you both think it's a good idea; where she will live after it's sold? This seems like the one achievement she has made in life, given her history of substance misuse, and it's not an insignificant one. You both make a collective profit of $100,000. Great, but that's not enough to buy another house. If your daughter is not currently employed, it will be nearly impossible for her to buy another one. Please take this into consideration before moving forward.
As for your question, I'm on both sides of the picket fence; I see why your daughter is upset, and I also understand why you are willing to help your daughter. Your daughter has made roughly 96 mortgage payments over the last eight years, and you have stepped in six times over that time. That's not a perfect batting average, but it's not bad given everything that has gone on. Plenty of people who suffer job loss have missed more mortgage payments than your daughter. But her addiction is, by your telling, deteriorating. And you are rightly concerned.
Ultimately, I agree with your helicopter parenting.
Whatever you decide, your daughter has not found her way out of her addiction and will likely remain angry with you regardless of your decision, so I would not factor that into your decision-making. She'll be mad at you if you put the money in an account for her and/or invest it on her behalf, and she'll be mad at you if you don't. If your daughter is currently in active addiction, I don't think it's a good idea to sell the house in the first place. However, you both have your reasons, and you are under no obligation to explain them in these pages.
Ultimately, I agree with your helicopter parenting. I don't see what good can come out of giving her $50,000 that you are perfectly within your legal right to keep. You gave her a down payment and you helped her out with mortgage payments half a dozen times. Yes, your daughter paid the mortgage the rest of the time - not a small feat given the wider context - but it also demonstrates that your concerns are not entirely unfounded. If you invested $50,000 in the S&P 500 SPX with a theoretical 10% annual return, you would have $130,000 in 10 years, including compounding.
Related: My parents had drug and alcohol addiction. My ailing mother got sober, but now overspends and gambles. What do I owe her?
Divided opinion
Moneyist Facebook (META) Group members are divided over your dilemma. A female reader wrote: "I honestly feel she carried the mortgage pretty well for someone described as being so unstable, and I don't feel that what you're proposing is right. She's very young and got approved for a mortgage and did make a large number of those payments all on her own. Eight years is a substantially positive payment history, especially given how young she is. I can see why she would be upset. She didn't rely on you to make payments as if you were a half-owner."
You could compromise and hold onto what you gave her for the down payment and mortgage payments (plus interest). If it were, say, $25,000, you could keep that. (Again, don't expect your daughter to acquiesce to such an agreement.) One male reader wrote: "Gently, if my parents did this to me without prior agreement, I would never speak to them again, and I am a well-put-together person with no issues. It's a money grab. You would benefit based on a technicality, but it would be morally wrong." His take seems more than a bit harsh to me.
You know your daughter better than anyone.
Another Moneyist Facebook member, who argued that many addicts need and want immediate gratification. "There is no question I would take half the profit from the sale of the house, and I wouldn't give it to her or leave it to her unless she was stable and in recovery," she wrote. "You know she will blow through it on drugs. Don't be an enabler, and consider attending Al-Anon or therapy for your own support. A coworker grappled with whether to give his twin addict brother his share of an inheritance as a lump sum. It was gone in less than one year."
So what now? You either let go and watch her make her own mistakes (or not) and resolve not to give her more money if she blows it. Or - my preference - stick to your guns and keep the $50,000 until you have a clearer view of your daughter's sobriety journey and plans for this substantial sum of money. You can't please all of the people all of the time, whether they are readers of this column or your own family. But you know your daughter better than anyone and if you think she'll spend the lot, you're probably right.
Related: I'm giving $10,000 to my stepchildren. My wife warned me against gifts of equal value for my nephews. Is that fair?
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I was a slave to credit-card debt, then I got laid off and turned my life around. Here's how I did it.
My niece is on Social Security Disability Insurance. Will she lose her health insurance if I buy her a house?
My mother regrets paying Social Security. She says she should have invested her contributions. I disagree. Who's right?
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, a branch of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, aims to help families dealing with addiction issues.
If you or a family member need help with a mental-health or substance-use disorder, call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or TTY: 1-800-487-4889.
You can also text your ZIP code to 435748 (HELP4U) or use SAMHSA's Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator to get help. Find more resources and advice for families from SAMHSA here.
-Quentin Fottrell
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May 16, 2026 13:00 ET (17:00 GMT)
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